"Never a dull moment"

Which is what my wife's aunt said to my mother-in-law, and which is true about my wife's family--as I suppose it is true in some way about every family--but since these are my in-laws and I have to live through each of these moments that is never dull, and since that is exactly what my grandmother says about anything that causes anybody even the least bit of stress, well, and now, of course, since I am thinking about why our life at this moment is so not dull, I don't remember exactly what I was going to say about the fact that my wife's aunt said that. I so wish I could be more specific; the situation we are facing now would make a great plot for a novel or a story, or even a movie, but my wife would shoot me--because I truly would be breaking confidences I shouldn't break--if I were to tell you anything that might give away even the slightest part of what is going on in my home these days. I could tell you about the tea set, I suppose, but then I'd have to tell you about the carpet, and that would mean talking about the money and, well, you know, once money is involved, things always get ugly. Or, suppose I started with the violence, the butter knife and the choice of orifices or the hands around the throat that shouldn't have been there, but that gets into matters of life and death, and then I would be accused of overdramatizing things. And of course I can't talk about the people. That would be a dead give away. You'd know immediately which members of my family had done what and they would have no place to hide except in ostracizing me. We would no longer be invited to the parties or the spur-of-the-moment dinners because if they don't have to look at and talk to me, then they can forget that I have exposed the rotten underbelly of their family to the world. And so I cannot go into detail. Thanks for listening.